Category Archives: Evolution – a New Definition

Redefining Societal Expectations of Parents

This post is dedicated to all those out there that were not so happy with the parent(s) they were born to….

Life is not something that can be explained in concrete terms.

Parents have children that they may not be ready to raise appropriately all the time.  Does that mean that they are bad parents?

My husband and I were watching a Steve Wilko Episode yesterday – about a mother who purposely got her daughter hooked on heroin just so that she could pay her bills from the prostitution money that her daughter was able to bring in.

Listen…….I can’t argue the fact that this woman was in every sense a “bad” parent……but, the daughter was able to move on with her life by managing to get to a rehab program and stick to it and despite the hardships and temptations of heroin, this young girl was able to bring herself out of the black hole of addiction.

Does that make her mother a good mother?

The mother who pushed heroin on her daughter ended up giving birth to a great kid……better than most……shouldn’t the mother get credit?

Everyone will agree that the mother gets no credit for raising a smart girl.

Buit….why does everyone also agree that the mother should pay with her life for raising a child that isn’t as smart.

Parenting is a funny thing.  If you suck at it… lose.

If you were great at it (in your opinion) you lose as well……because the credit goes to the child for the child’s own accomplishments.

Let me tell you about my life with my mother.

My mother was a child born to a set of holocaust survivors.  My grandfather was a survivor of Aushwitz, one of the most deadly concentration camps in Germany, and my grandmother was a survivor of various work camps….not deadly, but grueling for any human being to have to live through.

I remember hearing a story that my grandfather and grandmother used to tell with pride…….they used to brag about how well disciplined my mother was…….if she would dare leave the house with her sweatshirt on backwards (which apparently she did occasionally), they would beat her for it.

And many other stories like this one.

I was the first born of my parents.

I am not going to discuss my father, because that is going to be a different post all together….but I want to discuss my mother.

I grew up being scared shitless of her.  My brother and I used to hide when we would hear her bed creak – an indication that she was about to wake up and come and get us.

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Easy Money – Chapter III

Every once in a while, I am going to post a chapter from a publication that the Breslov community in Brooklyn puts out which is based on the teachings of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov.  I will add my two cents on the bottom of the post and those of you who have a few more cents to add….please feel free.

Even though Rabbi Nachman was a Hasid, his teachings are applicable and potentially valuable to all of humanity

Visit my post “The Unique Teachings of Rabbi Nachman of Breslov” for a little introduction to who Rabbi Nachman is and why he is special.

Here are links to the first two chapters:

Easy Money – Chapter III

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Who Are You?

This question is so cliche – we don’t even know the meaning of this question.

A few years ago, if someone would  have asked me this question, I would have looked at them straight in the eyes, while trying to keep a straight face, and I would have responded….” I am Glinda, the good witch of the South.”

What does this question mean and if we are anyone besides who we think we are, how would we know the answer?

That is the reason why this question is actually such an important one to answer…..because most likely we are not who we think we are.

A few years ago, I would have rolled my eyes and given a sarcastic answer to this question because I would have no other answer to give.

What kind of answer am I supposed to give?……I am Shayna Abrams, a married woman with children who likes music and loves to cook…..

I now realize that we are the infinite spirit inside of us and not the our finite bodies – nor are we the finite functions of our bodies –  that have been named by the ones who conceived us.

We are not just our names.  We are not just our jobs.  We are not just our particular enjoyments.  We are not just spouses.  We are not just parents.  We are not just friends.

We are far more than all of these things together.  When we limit ourselves to something as trite as the identifications above, we limit the power of ourselves – which is our spirit.

We are limiting ourselves to a finite thing rather an infinite being.

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Israel and Iran….Are we Ready for the Showdown?

I am embarrassed to say that I do not stay up to date on what is going on in the news and in the world.  I am unable to get passed my feeling that everything we see on the news is just skewed to the perspective that the viewers of that news station want to hear and…….I don’t believe there is any reality in politics AT ALL.

But….I do catch some pieces of information here and there because my husband is Israeli and Israelis tend to know what’s going on in the world.  They kind of have to because they are located smack dab in the middle of a bunch of countries that want to destroy them and the UN seems to support the endeavor

Like I said before, I don’t believe anything that any news channel says.  My husband and I argue about this all the time, but I find it very hard to believe that any body of people that control other people – whether they are considered  “democratic”, “communist” or a “theocracy” ……and especially if they are considered a dictatorship…..have any intention of taking care of anyone but themselves.

I tend to believe that selfless and honorable political leaders like King David are rare and that is why King David is considered heroic and legendary – and most of us even believe that the Messiah is supposed to come from his line of descendants.

The character qualities necessary for a political leader tend to clash with the character qualities necessary for a spiritual leader.  To be both in one…….is extremely rare.

With that being said, since my perspective from the get go is that no leader of any country has good intentions for the country itself, it is kind of hard to even talk about the subject of politics with anyone because I just don’t believe we know what is really going on behind closed doors……and anyone that claims to know should probably do a little more research.

I am sure that they will find many resources that will contradict what they think they know.

So, because I am not an expert on politics I cannot truly have an opinion on what is going on in the political arena…..but I want to mention one thing that is kind of grabbing my attention these days.

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To Show My Appreciation – Part II

Continued from To Show My Appreciation – Part I

Now I get to choose 10 other bloggers that I want to pass these awards on to.  Just for the sake of integrity, I am going to also supply a link to my favorite posts from each one and the reason why I have chosen them…..

And the award goes to……..

  1. Just Stuff that Interests Me: Cheryl has some great posts and she speaks her mind and makes no bones about it.  I love her honesty and the way she does not mince words.  She clearly means what she says and says what she means.  I have reblogged a lot of her posts already (I’m Not Your Idea of a Christian, So What?This Father Should be in the Parenting Hall of Fame, Sopa Bill Must Be StoppedMad Scientist Inventors Are Running Wild) but, though it was hard to choose one, here is one more that I particularly liked  Put Your Money Where Your Mouth is – Or Shut Up.
  2. Reflections on a Modern Circus: I don’t know if this blogger still posts, but I for one, happened to think his posts were witty, funny and sincere. Again, it was hard to choose one from the many that I have enjoyed but this is what I came up with: Hypocrisy: the new glitter – A story about a stairway to hell.
  3. The American Rose: This blogger posts frequently and I haven’t had a chance to catch up with his posts recently, but every time I take time out to read them, I am duly impressed with his intelligence and thought.  I find his blog funny as well as thought provoking.  The last great post that I read of his was called: Why Your Life Sucks and  How You Might Save it
  4. Faith Permeating Life: This blogger posts a lot of great stuff about marriage and life in general.  I always enjoy her posts because she speaks in a language that everyone can understand and relate to and she adds the element of faith into the mix without being judgmental about others and their beliefs.  A good example of what I like about her style can be found in this post: Four Ways the Superbowl is Like a Bad Marriage
  5. How to Get Happy: Molly’s posts are short and sweet as well as thought provoking.  She says something and leaves you with something to think about.  Check out: Get Happy Tip-Don’t be a Drag
  6. Miss Mary Mcgills Blog: I love this blog, I was introduced to it just recently and I haven’t had a chance to read through the archives, but since I follow it and I get all the new posts in my email, I have yet to find one that I didn’t find smart and inspiring.  Here’s one of my favorites: Skinny Versus Curvy: Why Women Can Never Win
  7. Lost Kosmonaut: I must give a shout out to this blogger for attempting to open peoples eyes that girls don’t have to be rail thin to be attractive…..and this point of view is coming from a guy.  I have linked one of his posts already but here is another inspiring post for those of us who aren’t Hollywood’s version of “hot”…..In Defense of Curvy Women
  8. Wetherholt Salon: I am not one to follow fashion and beauty blogs, but this is a fashion and beauty blog with a twist.  Ms. Wetherholt doesn’t just focus on external beauty….she endorses internal beauty just as much.  Here is an example: Where Are My Manners
  9. Bappy Dood: This blogger, Miss Lego, seems to find beauty in everything and if her posts reflect what kind of person she is, we could all take lessons from her.  She posts frequently and here is just one example of how Miss Lego takes a simple, maybe inconsequential act to some and turns it into a life lesson about the beauty of life:  Obstinacy or Perseverance
  10. Bri Poster: If you read my blog you will know that faith motivates all my posts.  This blogger, Ms. Poster, is truly devoted to her faith in G-d and all of her posts are inspiring examples of that. She also has a way of adding what I would call a whimsical note to her posts which makes them easy and enjoyable to read….like this one : Destined to Royalty

I think I have finally finished my award acceptance requirements.  I know that there are many, many more bloggers out there that deserve recognition…..but the good news is that every blog that receives this award has the same award acceptance requirements as the ones above….resulting in many, many more bloggers getting their due recognition.

Happy blogging to everyone!


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To Show My Appreciation

Boy was I surprised when I got a comment this afternoon that a blogger that I follow nominated me for a few awards.

When I started this blog, my main intention was to market my book.  But. as I posted more and more posts, I started to  realize that my blog means more to me than just a marketing tool.  It is a way to express what I really feel.  It is therapy.  It is a way to share with the others my philosophy of life.  It is a way to let others know that they are OK just the way they are.  It is way to open pathways for others to express themselves without being judged.  It is a way to learn new insights and acquire wisdom from others.  It is a way to evolve.

I still think “Peaceful Controversy” is a good name for my blog, but another name that would be perfectly appropriate would be “My Evolutionary Journey”.

As a part of my evolutionary journey, I must now show my appreciation to for honoring me with the following awards.

First of all I want to thank for taking the time reading my blog.  Secondly, I would like to thank for thinking of my blog when giving out these awards.  Thirdly, I would share a few of my favorite posts from that I think everyone will enjoy…..

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Posted by on February 23, 2012 in Evolution - a New Definition


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Reflections of Yourself in Everyone You See

I don’t if this bothers everybody else the way it bothers me….but, it drives me crazy when people complain about the behaviors of others and then proceed to behave in the exact same way they themselves have just complained about.

It doesn’t bother me that they do it, it bothers me that they can’t see that they do it.

I am not bothered by the fact that they do it, because we all do it….but, try pointing it out to someone and watch their defense mechanism go up like a security gate at Area 51.

I don’t even bother trying to point out other people’s denials to them (directly), but I do realize that if other people are in denial…..I am in denial as well.

What I am in denial about is hard to say because I am in denial about it.

But….one way I try to figure it out is by listening to what those that I trust tell me. My kids and my husband are the best sources for this purpose. My daughters do not mince words when it comes to telling me when I am a hypocrite. Sometimes, I do not agree with their conclusions, but instead of becoming defensive, I try to think about what they are saying and if there is any behavior that is questionably hypocritical, I apologize for 1) behaving in a manor in which I have verbally stated that I disapprove of….and 2) disapproving of the behavior in the first place.

If I am able act in ways that I think are “wrong”….they may not be so wrong….who am I to judge?

But….if I proclaim to not like people who lie and I lie…..I should really try to stop lying….and denial is a form of lying.

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