Trusting Your Spouse

22 Feb

There were a lot of trust issues between me and my ex-husband.  I learned early on in our relationship that he did not have the same respect for monogamy that I did…..and he didn’t hesitate to remind me daily that he liked his women with small breasts and less than 120 pounds  – which I wasn’t.

This all led to the inevitable – I cheated on him to make myself feel better and we eventually got divorced….but the remnants of distrust for all men world wide lingered, yet I got married to my second husband anyway.

I put him through the ringer.  I did not trust anything.  I didn’t trust his breathing.  If he breathed a little too loudly during a movie scene, I would think that he is fantasizing about the girl in the scene.

I was ridiculous….but for some reason he stayed with me.

Nowadays, I completely trust him.  He has earned it.

But….what about those guys that have not necessarily earned trust – but need to be trusted for the sake of the relationship.  Those guys that don’t cheat or even want to cheat, but they act like guys so it is hard to tell.

I am going to be honest here and say that despite the fact that I have absolutely no reason at all to suspect my husband of any funny business, due to my deep rooted insecurities, I occasionally can’t help the thought that creeps through every once in a while whispering in my ear that I better be smarter and watch my back.

Not only do I have this thought completely on my own….it doesn’t help that I have had friends in the past suggest the same thing.

Even some of you who are reading this are probably thinking that I shouldn’t be so naive and make sure to  take heed of the “signs” mentioned above.

You see how far my paranoia can go?

I can’t be the only one in the world that let’s my mind wander into dangerous territories…..but, since I realized that these are dangerous territories, I decided to skew my perspective a drop so that I can potentially limit the amount of visits I make.

I tried to think about how I would feel if I, in fact, did find out my current husband was cheating on me all along – despite the fact that he has worked so hard to earn my trust.

After some deep thought, I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t view him the same anymore.  One of the reasons I love him is because I can trust him.  If it turned out that I was wrong, I would no longer love him.

Then I thought about what I would do and how I would react knowing that my husband wasn’t who I thought he was.

After some deep thought, I came to the conclusion that I don’t even think that I would be angry or hurt (or at least I have no right to be angry or hurt) at this point…….keep in mind that this conclusion came after deep thought – hours.

If someone was able to pull the wool over my head that    effectively for such a long period of time…then this person who I thought was the husband that I loved and trusted so much was really a stinking liar and manipulator.

I am not a particular fan of lying manipulators.  As a a matter of fact, I stay far, far away from these types of people……and if I were to find out that one was in my bed with me for the past 10 years….how could I be mad at them?  I am the fool….they are just being who they are.

According to MY OWN opinion,  it is my responsibility to know the person I with.  If I was wrong about him, then I have the responsibility of getting rid of this jerk (because that would be what he is and always was) and learning more about human nature before I settle down with another jerk.

I realized that if I was wrong – again – about the person I am with, there is something wrong with me….not the other person.

When you know yourself, you can understand human nature better…..So the cliche “love yourself before you can love another” really does stand to reason.

But….you may ask me how I could blame myself for not seeing behavior that another was purposely trying to hide from me.

I will respond by saying that there are always indications of who a person is by the way they deal with others.  If you see someone lying to everybody that he meets, talking shit behind people’s backs, partaking in unscrupulous business deals….don’t trust them.  

If you know that no one likes that person……don’t trust them.

If you know that he has cheated on every other person he has been with……don’t trust them.

Never think that you are SO special that only you are the only one that he is good to.

You are most likely the one that he treats the worst.

Some of you may think this is obvious information – because at this point in my life, it is obvious to me…..

But, it wasn’t always….and I can’t be the only one that struggles with trust in a world where no one can be trusted.

To sum it all up…….when those evil thoughts do creep up in my mind and “friends” egg me on by suggesting that my thoughts may be indicative of signs that my husband should not be trusted….I quickly recall all of the intense thought that I have invested into this subject and realize that if my husband can’t be trusted…he is going to lose the best thing in his life – me.

And if he can be trusted and I don’t trust him…..I will lose the best thing in my life – him.

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4 responses to “Trusting Your Spouse

  1. wetherholt salon and spa

    February 22, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Love your post…thought provoking!
    My mother (married happily for 55 years to my father) repeatedly told me that to completely without question trust your husbancd meant to “take the relationship for granted”.

    • Peaceful Controversy

      February 22, 2012 at 5:27 pm

      That is an interesting way of looking at it…in fact, I agree, if I didn’t care about our relationship, would I care to trust him?
      Thanks for this insight.

  2. matchsoul

    March 3, 2012 at 6:19 am

    do you have any plain to get married again?


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