I don’t if this bothers everybody else the way it bothers me….but, it drives me crazy when people complain about the behaviors of others and then proceed to behave in the exact same way they themselves have just complained about.
I am not bothered by the fact that they do it, because we all do it….but, try pointing it out to someone and watch their defense mechanism go up like a security gate at Area 51.
I don’t even bother trying to point out other people’s denials to them (directly), but I do realize that if other people are in denial…..I am in denial as well.
What I am in denial about is hard to say because I am in denial about it.
But….one way I try to figure it out is by listening to what those that I trust tell me. My kids and my husband are the best sources for this purpose. My daughters do not mince words when it comes to telling me when I am a hypocrite. Sometimes, I do not agree with their conclusions, but instead of becoming defensive, I try to think about what they are saying and if there is any behavior that is questionably hypocritical, I apologize for 1) behaving in a manor in which I have verbally stated that I disapprove of….and 2) disapproving of the behavior in the first place.
If I am able act in ways that I think are “wrong”….they may not be so wrong….who am I to judge?
But….if I proclaim to not like people who lie and I lie…..I should really try to stop lying….and denial is a form of lying.
Both adjustments are necessary…..I cannot behave in ways that I don’t particularly admire and I can’t judge others that do (or “disapprove” of the behavior of other’s) because I have behaved “badly” in the past….and most likely will continue to do so in the future. After all, I am human.
Another way to keep a check and balance system over yourself is to silently observe others around you and in your own head analyze their behavior and decide if
1) This is behavior you see in yourself
2) This is behavior that you admire
3) This is behavior that you want to continue displaying
Do not, by any means, judge the behavior. What I have said above is not judging anything…..it is simply a way to evaluate yourself and possibly provide yourself an opportunity to evolve.
Behavior that you decide is not behavior that you want to emulate does not mean that it is behavior that should be eliminated from all of humanity. The behavior of humanity is not a decision for you to make. You can only worry about your own personal behavior.
I hate liars. I do not hang out with people that I know are liars. I do not talk to people who I know will just lie to me about everything. Liars are not in my life and do not have the opportunity to reflect themselves to me because I have rid myself of their presence.
On the other hand, liars have their place in this world (obviously) and I cannot tell another how to live their life.
Liars spend time with other liars and create a life of lies that they find pleasure in. I don’t get it…..but I can’t deny it.
If I am in denial about myself, I am, in essence, lying to myself…..and this is not behavior that I want to continue displaying.
Therefore, I must adjust my own behavior by accepting that I may be in denial about things that I am unaware of, however, I must be willing to listen to those that point my denial out to me so that I can change it within myself.
By cleaning myself out of denials…I am cleaning myself out of lies….which results living a life free of untruths….which, in my opinion, is behavior that I do not admire.
Let me sum all of this up in a few sentences:
We are all in denial about something.
What we are in denial about is something that we don’t want to see in ourselves – that is why we deny behaving certain ways.
We are subjected to reflections of ourselves in others daily, which results in us seeing behavior we do not like – that is in ourselves.
We can do one of three things:
1) We can deny that the behavior is part of ourselves and continue doing what ever we want all the while looking like fools for judging others for things that we do ourselves (i.e. I can hate liars and keep on lying to myself and when someone points it out to me I can become defensive and tell them they don’t know what they are talking about and then continue lying to myself…..and repeat this pattern over and over and over and….)
2) We can accept that we do behave in ways that we, ourselves, do not admire and decide to fxxx it and act whatever way we want and allow others around us to feel free to behave that way also….but, we will also have to accept the fact that we will constantly be bombarded with particular behavior that we may not necessarily enjoy or admire. (i.e. I may hate liars, but I lie a lot and don’t want to change so now I have to live in a world full of liars because honest people do not want to hang out with liars.)
3) We can accept that we do behave in ways that we, ourselves, do not admire and we can consider changing our ways so that we can be better people IN OUR OWN EYES. Once we change our own ways to emulate behavior that we find admirable, we can then choose to surround ourselves with others who reflect that behavior as well and create peace within our own world.
But remember one thing…..reflections of yourself are in everyone you see.
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