When What You Look Like Defines You

09 Feb

I get a lot of feedback on posts about looks and weight issues so I am going to add another to the many that I have already (see below for the links).

First of all, I want to start with saying that there is nowhere that you will ever be able to quote me saying that I think that looks don’t matter.  They do matter if not for the mere fact that you want the person you are with to be attracted to you.

But…….that doesn’t mean that cookie cutter looks matter.

Why are we so consumed with spending so much time, energy and money when it comes to altering our image to suit what television, movies, magazines and advertising tell us that we should look like.

Doesn’t it occur to anyone they are all in on the joke……and the joke is that they are making money on our insecurities!!!!

Yes….that’s right.  By spending so much time, energy and money on our attempt to look like Angelina Jolie, we are feeding into exactly what the people making our money want us to!!

Even worse is when we decide that what we look like defines us.  In other words, when we have no confidence in anything besides our looks and we invest everything we have into looking like everyone else…….Guess what?   You look like everyone else! (except maybe you have dark hair instead of blond hair?!?)

And….guest what else?  If you are defined by your looks, your definition is that you are not special………you are just like everyone else!!!!

And one more surprise……guys perceive you (if you are one of these girls that emphasize your looks as your greatest asset)  just like every other girl that does the same thing.

You do not look any different that any other girl that has a thin body, fat lips,  big eyes, round ass, big breasts. shiny hair, small nose and clear skin.

And sadly, by emphasizing your looks as being your greatest asset, you leave yourself with nothing else to offer except for your greatest asset…..which is essentially only useful in one way…….and guys expect that you are just like the rest of them.

I don’t mean to sound judgmental if you do find yourself putting a lot of emphasis on your looks.  In fact, I can’t be judgmental  – because I was you 15 years ago.

I still want to remain attractive to my husband, but I know that my husband loves me exactly how I am – and that includes my brain and heart so I don’t bother myself with the cookie cutter details anymore.

I try to eat healthy and take care of myself, because health is obviously important.  I also put a lot of emphasis on the health of my mind and my attitude in general…..because I believe that by doing this I am contributing significantly to my physical appearance.

And…..good news to those who feel trapped in the cookie cutter mentality and desire the freedom of being yourself…….

I feel attractive inside and out and I don’t spend a dime!!!

And my husband feels the same way.

For those of you who still think that being perfect means that men will like you better and you will have better opportunities in life….please read this post “I can’t admit I like chubby girls

Other posts you might like:

Life is full of controversy so here is a thought to live by:
Why is life unfair?
Because there’s never going to be a system that is fair to everyone.
Shannon Miller

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15 responses to “When What You Look Like Defines You

  1. lostkosmonaut

    February 9, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    An insightful post. I especially like your observation that looking like every other girl is a great way to obliterate your individuality.

    From a man’s point of view, I think we are much more interested in women with their own look. And, yes, we are not so excited by skinniness as we are by volume in the right places.

    Men also get a bad rap for being shallow, but the truth is that personality counts for a lot with us. I couldn’t say that looks aren’t a factor, because they are. But beyond simply being not-ugly, a girl’s personality is everything—specifically, her intelligence and sense of humor. It is so disappointing to talk to a pretty girl just to find out she’s dumb or uptight.

    • Peaceful Controversy

      February 9, 2012 at 10:12 pm

      Thank you for providing a man’s point of view. It took my husband quite a while to break that desire to be like all the rest in me. He stuck with me through it all and insisted that men want the whole package – the REAL package – not the plastic one. I commit myself to making sure my daughters learn this and learn this well. If I am here for any purpose – I want that purpose to be at the very least saving my daughters from falling into the trap of fake beauty.

  2. Miss Lego

    February 9, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Excellent post. it’s sad to see how there are so many people with that issue indeed, thinking they have to obey some external patterns of beauty when by doing this they are only forgetting some vital things that come first than the appareance. Great post.

    • Peaceful Controversy

      February 9, 2012 at 10:53 pm

      Thanks. I hope this message gets through to the next generation. Natural beauty is always more attractive!
      Thanks for commenting – always appreciated.

  3. Cheryl Baumgartner

    February 10, 2012 at 4:03 am

    It too bad we can’t get more women with curves as role models. It’s been said that Marie Antionette was a size 20. She probably was that was the average size then. However you have the beauty industry and the thin at all costs crowd would have us believe that this means a size 12. The truth is that until modern times heavier women were the ideal. Being thin was always an indication of poverty and or starvation.

    And I’m glad to see a man weigh in because the social pressure to be attracted to ‘thin’ girls is against the natural tendencies of men. Mother nature set the ideal of bigger women. Women’s bodies store fat as they do to attract a male. There’s a reason wide hips were referred to as ‘Breeder’s’ hips. Larger women were able to carry and give birth to offspring more successfully than thinner ones. This is the system that Nature set up.

    We have collectively bought into an ideal that is totally against the ideal set by nature. We are also willing to discount historical fact to support an industry that thrives on our insecurities.

    • Peaceful Controversy

      February 10, 2012 at 4:48 am

      My husband keeps trying to tell me exactly what you are saying must be true. It has taken him a few years to get me comfortable with my own curves and I truly believe that most men (maybe even all – they just won’t be honest about it because they are afraid of what other men might say) like women that look like natural women. If nature has created us to be rounder than I believe nature knows better than Vogue.

      • Cheryl Baumgartner

        February 10, 2012 at 3:27 pm

        Yes she does! More ‘fat’ on a woman meant that the fetus has available nutrients. Remember we humans developed with a cycle of ‘feast and famine’. Food was not always readily available to our ancestors and we all stored fat during the time of plenty to get us through times when there was very little food. The more fat we stored, the better able we were to survive until the next time of plenty.

        A heavier woman with more fat would have a healthier baby because the stored fat provided for both fetus and mother. A thinner woman may have been able to survive herself but there was nothing left to provide nutritional support for the fetus. Just as our female ancestors were attracted to the strongest and most powerful males (Those best able to provide for her and her offspring) Males were attracted to larger and curvier women (Those best able to carry and deliver healthier infants).

      • Peaceful Controversy

        February 10, 2012 at 3:56 pm

        Its a shame that I didn’t know this when I was in my 20’s…..all that ice cream I could have just let myself enjoy once in a while!!! 🙂

  4. mamaji

    February 10, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    that’s exactly it. Companies are out their making money and taking advantage of our need to fit in with what we think is the social norm of being thin.

    As a man, i wouldn’t really want a lady to eat apples all day, particularly if she’s doing it just to look thin. Wanting to be healthy is different, and the thinnest of us out their aren’t necessarily the healthiest, both physically and mentally.

    Just because media portrays thin, tall woman as the most attractive doesn’t mean men agree,

    • Peaceful Controversy

      February 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

      Not only doesn’t it mean that men agree….I suspect they really don’t!

  5. Mollie Player

    February 11, 2012 at 8:32 pm


    Just downloaded your book from bibliotastic. You should really have a direct link to it on your blog!

    Have you self-published with Amazon, too?


    • Peaceful Controversy

      February 12, 2012 at 12:05 am

      I registered my e-book on and they submitted it to all of the distributors (B & N, Sony, Apple…). It takes a little longer for some reason for Amazon to list, but it is registered there.
      I got very excited to hear that someone actually downloaded my book… My book was a compilation of all my thoughts that I contemplated about life over a period of about 4 years and is the platform for this blog.
      Let me know what you think…

  6. Mollie Player

    February 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    BTW – that “chubby girls” post you link to here was so great!

    • Peaceful Controversy

      February 12, 2012 at 12:02 am

      I loved that post. I know a lot of guys that have the same problem as the author of this post


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