Jealous or….. Just Uninterested?

23 Jan

Have you ever come across a situation where you don’t know how to respond because if you say what is on your mind in order to preserve the friendship, you may appear like you are “jealous”, but if you don’t say anything than you will not be able to stand being with that person for much longer?

I have had been put in this situation with someone who I, at one time of my life, considered a good friend.   I have made the decision to disconnect from this person permanently – because I decided that a “friend” who thinks that I am “jealous” of them – or – even worse, wants me to be jealous of them,  is not worth being friends with…if that’s what you call the relationship.

You know…the kind of friend that pretends like she would never date your boyfriend, but tries to catch his eyes when your not looking.

The kind of friend that spurts bullshit about themselves to appear more accomplished than they are.

The kind of friend that doesn’t stop talking about how guys (even though they are dating someone) can’t stop telling them how “hot” they are.

The kind of friend that comes to your house for coffee in high heels and full makeup while your sitting there in sweats – and they know that’s how you dress regularly.

The kind of friend that doesn’t like to mix friends for some unknown reason, but you know its because its too hard for them to keep which bullshit they tell which person straight.

The kind of friend that says they lost weight to make you mad…yes, this friend that I am talking about told me that.

What do you say to a friend like this that will make them understand that their behavior is not funny, cute or even tolerable   – without appearing like you are jealous of them?

The only thing to do, in my opinion, is to cut ties with them.

There are a few women like this – we all have some in our lives and they really want to believe that the world is jealous of them.  That is the reason they behave this way….they want to believe that people are “jealous” of them.

Well, I am here to tell you that there is nothing to be jealous of.  Yeah, you look good enough to fuck.  Ooooooh. Tell me you won a Nobel prize for the most intelligent person in the world and maybe you would have an argument.  Tell me that you are recognized as someone who is exceptionally talented in some way.  Tell me that you have anything to offer anyone besides sex…and maybe you would spark a “jealous” feeling….(though I would rather refer to this feeling as a proud to be your friend feeling..)

If I were to be honest with this friend about how I feel, is it likely she would believe me?  If I were to gently try and inform her that guys will screw nearly anyone – especially sex objects  – would she see my point and tone it down?  If I told her that guys don’t respect (and certainly won’t marry) girls that flirt excessively and use sex to get attention – would she take my advice and highlight other things about herself that truly are good?

In the beginning, I tried to bear with it, because let’s face it, we were all young once and we all acted this way at some point in our lives.  However, I have matured enough in the last 10 years that I thought I could get through to this friend by gently trying to enlighten her to how men really think – according to my husband who filled me in on these secrets….. but, unfortunately, she didn’t get the message.  So, I decided it was better to let this person go ahead and let her think I’m jealous and move on.

No, jealous is not what I am of this “friend”.  Uninterested in furthering a relationship with such a shallow, self deluded person would be a more appropriate explanation….although, feel free to think I’m jealous if it makes you feel better….

Other posts you might like:

And the Truth Will Set You Free

Gender Balance – Have We Achieved it?

Bachelor Parties – What a Funny Way to Start a Marriage

Why Do Women Wear Heals?

Releasing Emotions Makes Us Human

Why is Life Unfair?

Life is full of controversy so here is a thought to live by:
Why is life unfair?
Because there’s never going to be a system that is fair to everyone.
Shannon Miller

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4 responses to “Jealous or….. Just Uninterested?

  1. Miss Lego

    January 23, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    if you ask me, that person can not really ve your friend, and it’s good that you are not giving much attention to what she thinks, at the end that is not your problem, it’s hers who has the urge to have attention, proves that she is somewhat insecure of her self. Get some good friends beside you.

  2. Peaceful Controversy

    January 23, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    Hard to find good friends. Trust is not easy to come by, for me at least. You are right. It took me a lot of years to realize that someone who I thought was a good friend, really wasn’t…she was only self serving.
    Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting!!
    Peace and G-d Bless!

  3. Cheryl Baumgartner

    January 24, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    That person sounds more like an emotional vampire than a friend. I have known people like this myself and the truth is dealing with them is a draining experience. I have also had to deal with the opposite side of the coin too. Having the choice of saying something and being labeled jealous or allowing a friend to get hurt when saying something might keep them from getting hurt.

    I would honestly cut ties to the first type which is simply using you to feed off of. The second type may cut ties with you when they do get hurt and find out that you knew. With them you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Either way there is a good chance that you may lose a friend.

    • Peaceful Controversy

      January 25, 2012 at 12:13 am

      Only a very good and trustworthy friend is worth the effort necessary to keep them in your life….Unfortunately, not very many people live up to the standard I have in mind. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have respect for everybody -regardless of their indiscretions, however, trust and respect are two very different things and I take both very seriously. I don’t need to be friends with everyone that I simply respect for being a human being just like me.
      There is a saying in an Ancient Jewish book that translates to the following:
      Make for yourself a teacher and buy for yourself a friend
      When you think about the implications of this teaching, they really are words to live by.


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